Exorcism December: Shark Exorcist – movie review

How can I resist reviewing a movie with a title such as this?

While browsing on TubiTV for an exorcism related movie I came across a title that I knew I had to click on. “Shark Exorcist” is a 2015 “Horror” movie written and directed by Donald Farmer. It tries to tell the story of a small lake town that is being terrorized by a shark possessed by the devil. At the start of the film we are met with a nun who sacrifices a woman in order to get help from the devil himself. And after that…We only see her once again in the entire movie.

After that we keep getting introduced to various people (mostly attractive young women) that we get no context about as well as a priest who finds out about the mysterious death of his brother (played by the same exact actor). He somehow finds the root of it all and tries to perform an exorcism that sadly is not even on the horrible CGI shark but on a random girl. He tries to exorcise her (I won’t bother saying spoiler alert cause the movie really is not worth any serious attention) but ultimately fails and gets eaten by a shark that comes out of some portal.

Let me repeat that: He gets killed from a shark that shows up from some random portal. And that is a very generous explanation of the plot because there pretty much is no plot. You can take away most of the scenes in the film and you would end up with the same end product. There literally is no direction, no concrete story or anything. Just a string of random events glued together.

My all time favorite scene in the movie was when a “Ghost hunter” is in front of the lake and speaking about the shark. She is clearly speaking to her cameraman at the start of the scene but for some reason she starts speaking directly to the camera and we see her cameraman behind her filming her. It literally makes no sense. There is no logical and honestly illogical explanation as to why she does that. Nothing makes sense in this movie it is insane.

And yet that is why I could not keep my eyes off it. I loved how bad it was and I enjoyed watching it, not because it was so bad that it was good but it was so horrible. This should be a movie that people study on how not to make a movie. It almost felt like they made everything bad on purpose. There is one scene of a guy running and he comes across a dead body only to throw up and say “she is still hot though I’d do her”. Who is the guy? Who knows. Why was he there? Who cares. Was the body that he found of any importance? Of course not.

And the acting and dialogue? I have no words. I usually feel bad when having negative opinions about actors, directors or writers but this was hard to ignore. But then again most of the cast has little experience in movies from what I saw on IMDb other than the priest and the possessed girl (who surprisingly are married in real life) and yet they were just as bad. It is insane that a movie like this was made, and yet I did say that I enjoyed it just because it was that bad. And the worst part was that there was little to no action from the shark itself. In a movie called “Shark exorcist” you would expect at least some good scenes with a shark but nope. As usual it disappoints you in every single area.

If you are in a mood for a good trainwreck then this is a perfect movie to watch.

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